Sometimes i can be so mean and i don't know how i can fix that ugly side of me..the only thing i can say is i'm terribly sorry..

hmm terasa mcm mau pulang cuti bulan 3 ni..tapi kos lebih kurang 800.. hmm =(

bErCeraI kaSih bErTalAk TiDak..

it's been a long time, i'm not post something..

i want but i dont have enough time n space..

lately my life schedule really full like rubbish in the dustbin..huhuhu

and in this month many things happened on me..

i dont know what to say..

happy or sad? laugh or tears?

what ever it is..I'm still okay and love my life..

i like what i like..

i can talk too much..non-stop..

but when I'm sad you cant hear even a word..

so I'm consider as I'm happy right this moment..

problems come and go easily in my life journey..

I'm finished marking examination paper for Year 5 pupils..

and 10 of them are failed..

sigh~

i dont know how to teach them..

i think my teaching skills getting bad this semester..

i cant stand it..

whatever it is..

i need to score at least A- for practicum..

because this semester practicum carry 6 credits hour..huhhuhu

i dont know how..why..

but i'm always try my best to make sure my pupils understand what i teached them ..

it not only just about my grade..but for their future too..

i wish they know how big my hope on them..

i want see my pupils get a good and excellent result..

I'm proud of it..

I hardly see people from the outside, I try my best to avoid from judging people too quick..Inner beauty is way precious than anything else..I hope I'll find it..

This is just another unfortunate event..

It won't hold me back.

Life goes on.

I'm always told my self..

Don't let someone become your everything..because when they're gone you have nothing..but let Allah become your everything..because He can give you anything..

and i decide to make it simple..

but once i try to make a decision thing turn another way around..

Alhamdulillah, you're still mine..

you heart still with me..

i hope we can stand with all this..

i try to stand behind you..

stand behind you as long as you hold me.. =)

10 months and 8 days..

I"m grateful having you in my life..

money cannot buy happiness but can bring happiness..maybe =)

vacation..i like..

i went to Kundasang and Semporna last week..

honestly i felt relieve and happy..

even I'm hurt that time..

have some planned with my friends..

for next trip or vacation..

i hope i can make it real..

but..

maybe i cant attend our friend wedding with my love one..

hmm..I'll think about it later..

observe..

my lecturer will observe me next week..

honestly I'm nervous and no confident..

i need some help from others..

i need some rest and peaceful, people..

stop giving burden on me please..

i beg..

its so hard to advice people who are close with us..

i really agree with this..

and honestly..

I'm facing this prob now..

I know i not good sister and friend and daughter even lover..

but trust me..

i try mt best to be a good girl..

i have many responsibility which is out of mine..

my love one ask me to follow his advice..

luckily he not angry with me..

just concern and dont wont me stress..

but..

its not easy to say 'No' to people dear..

thanx..

p/s - quick update..i miss to blog..totally miss..see you later =) i miss my mum n dad..my little sis and bro..

i want go back to my hometown in holidays..but i need vacation too..huhu..

and i miss him damn much..you're the one i love..Blue Night - MLTR always be my favourite..

My third phases of practicum..very tiring and drag me to stress..don't know what the factors to drown me in this mood..I'm lack of energy..lack of motivation..lack of spirit..how i want to face it for 3 months..i don't know..

Something like..everything i have done and faced were having obstacle and barrier..sometime i felt like I want to give up..it was only just a few days..but I'm already felt the burden on my shoulder..on my head..like a big stone on my head..i don't know how to lift up the stone..I always pray to God please bless me..give me some strength to face it..it only just one month and a few days of 2010..but why i feel like already half year..

These are the things keep on happening and that made me bored enough to be with..Complaining and blaming and suggesting are no longer effective. .Just be patient and withstand for the coming holiday. Just 11 months to go.. Then a year last.. Huh.. I'm Can't wait for it!

As i awake in the morning, i talked to myself to be calm and to be positive in everything that i am going to do in this day.. I should be confident and be brave when facing those I dislike and discomfort with..Just withstand for another 11 months..11 months only..After these 11 months, everything is over..

I wish I will work at my hometown or at least at Peninsular Malaysia..I don't want to live here anymore..I want go far away from this place..I want new environment.. new people around me..Allah please make it happen.. =(

haVe FaTe..

ok you are not in my shoes..

so..

you can say everything..

you can blame on me..

all things happened just because of my weaknesses..

only my weakness..

the ring was not around anymore..

you are the one who break it..

and i deserve to make it alright..

you can said I'm moody..

you can said I'm childish..

but without you realise..

you are the one who drag me to act like this and like that..

you are the one who just keep secret..

but then,

you said I'm not understand you..

I'm not tolerance and so on..

you hate when I'm not talking straight forward to you..

but when you just ignoring me..

without knowing any reason..

do you know what i feel..

you come and go easily..

don't you know or realise that..

Its all about respectful between us..

if you don't know how to respect other..

don't expect will respect you..

what you give you get back..

I hope you will realise it one day..

At least before you get married..

I'm not regret..

Nope! even once..

You can go away if you want..

I'm not force you..

theMaTic MinD mAps..

28 January 2010

Thematic Mind Maps as a tool to enhance pupil's ability to memorise the lesson..this is the title of my action research..Alhamdulillah my proposal was approved by Deputy Director of IP Tawau Dr. Hj Mohd Johan Zakaria..I already present my proposal, but my result creak..huhu..76 means I got B for presentation..little bit disappointed with the performance..but I already all out since i need to change my research title one day before presentation..hmm, but i just was the first step..don't give up yana..you have another chances..so go for it..good luck yana..and i'll implement this during my practicum phase in my teaching and learning session..

i MisS hIm sO bAd..

saya rindu dia =(

I'm just not like before..I can run n hide but I can't stop..I want write something, to express my feeling but my brain wont let me to do so..I'm happy with my life lately..even there is something bad chasing me..Let me spell it out right for you.. Friday blessing..i like..

to make a decision its not as easy as A B C..if you make a wrong decision..its maybe haunted you for the rest of your life..and making decision under emotion influence might be kill you..but sometime you drive me to full of emotion..I cant resist and avoid this..Its not my intention..but i know you take it seriously even i never mean it..but I'm not regret of it..why i need to regret..because its happened for a reason..if you can ignore it..why i can't..I'm not talking about who is the winner or who is the loser but I'm talking about respectful..showing some love..about how you appreciate people around you..

This game I'm playing is tiring..what didn't kill me, only make me stronger..If it meant to be..and it will be..and what always make me talk nonsense is you..i have nothing to say..just drowning in my own sweat not tears anymore..old habits die hard..I have no room and no space for your big ego..go elsewhere..and you are not invited..I'm so not available..remember the day we were close to the edge..

p/s - iron baju adlah satu perkara yang amat menyesakkan ok.. especially in the midnight or early in the morning..someone please help me..sigh~