deLete tHis BlOg..

and create another blog..hmm this what my head said..in other to find free n secure space to  write..but my heart said no! keep on writing in this blog..


as usual starting from December until in the middle of March every year, I've endured so much pain that it could either kill a person or turn them heartless..yeaah sometime i think i'm heartless..Afraid to suffer, i made myself tune out from thinking too much and just going with the flow, stop feeling anything and just do what i have to do..


i just feeling like wanna seal your mouth who kept on asking me about it..hey stop asking me about something i don't want to talk about..something i don't want to think about..something i don't want to remember anymore..can you understand me? 


i don't want to make it okay anymore..it just useless effort..so just let it be..I wish for a sign everyday, for a light to show me the way..a little sign at least so that i know what im doing is right..But when it doesnt work that way, i'll rest for a while and waiting for the right time..right sign to take an action..


don't try to teach me something i don't want to learn..no need to tell me about life..because i know life is thrilling, but also difficult and i almost felt like giving up but to hell with that hah? i plan to survive and move on..if you think you're good enough..just go with your life..just go with your way..don't drags me down when i survive to stand..you should know where you stand..no matter how much you want things to happen, if they're not meant to be, they will never be..

p/s - don't pretend and said you care..you love..because if you care if love you wont betray me behind my back..you wont think to give up..noob you!!..think about it..chow..change url? it might be work..yeaahhhh..still thinking..ok indecisive again..yup truly me.. 

tOLoNg JaNgan gEdiK bOLeh TaK?

if i let you promise you'll just break the promise

This is what I am afraid of..To let people in..To let you in..I really hope you understand..

jangan semakkan inbox saya dengan mesej kamu..saya tidak akan balas..7 bulan  yang lalu saya sudah nyatakan tentang perkara itu..walaupun keadaan sekarang sudah berbeza tetapi jawapan saya tidak pernah berbeza..jawapan saya tidak pernah berubah..jawapan saya tetap sama seperti 7 bulan yang lalu..i'm still respect you as my friend..but please don't make me hate you! jangan sampai belon kesabaran saya pecah..heh..

p/s - cinta n hati bukan umpama membeli udang di pengkalan..bukan umpama memotong buah tembikai..bukan seperti menggantikan tapak kasut yang rosak..bukan seperti menampal gigi yang berlubang..sekian, harap maklum..

eNtRy eMo..hahaha =)

yess..misi saya sudah berjaya..akhirnya setelah lebih kurang sebulan menanti, akhirnya belon pecah juga..hipotesis saya boleh diterima..ada orang pernah bagi tahu saya..apa yang dia tulis tak semestinya dia maksudkan..dan saya telah ambil sebagai ikutan..dan saya telah aplikasikannya untuk cara saya dan tujuan saya dalam mengkaji hipotesis saya..

manusia berbeza kefahaman dan pendapat dan cara..biarlah orang tak faham cara saya..asalkan saya faham..kalau salah tafsir pun..saya tak kisah..okay sekarang saya dah boleh berhenti untuk guna pepatah "apa yang ditulis tak semestinya dimaksudkan" sebab misi dah berjaya..hip hip hooraay..akhirnya pembuktian terjadi juga walaupun secara tidak lansung..semoga boleh faham kesan n tafsiran pada orang lain kalau kita tulis sesuatu yang kita tidak maksudkan..

p/s - seronok juga bila sekali sekala baca entry orang yang jarang emo..bila dah emo..terus erk..hohoho..nice..gullp.. =)

bEYoNd oF mY HeArt..

i found it..and its make me feel "sayu" inside my heart..thanx mira for sharing this doa..yup as you said its beatiful =)


“I know you are there Allah. I know you see my tears. I know you hear my prayers. I know you are testing me..And all I ask from you is to strengthen my Imaan so I can handle the struggles in life and have patience..I love you my Lord. My Allah..Please keep me safe”

BE STRONG FRIEND AND KEPT ON PRAYING K !

=)

p/s - semoga awak selamat n tabah..semoga impian awak tercapai n diberkati..teruskan berUSAHA  =)

bErTaBahLaH..

sape kate jadi cikgu tak penat..penat kot..esok kena pergi sekolah..ni aku duk tergolek2 atas katil pikir nak mengajar BM esok ni macam mana nak bagi menarik..dah la kelas belakang..da yang tak tahu membaca..aku bajet nak ajar penulisan surat tak rasmi esok..haih..apa lah aktiviti yang menarik sikit ye..


okeh smbg isi baru..hahah.kan cikgu bm..huhu...aku dah siap buat BBM tuk esok..hmm mmg kecewa ar tak dapat ajar Sains since tu bidang kepakaran aku =( bukan lah nak kata aku pakar tapi aku mcm tau la selok belok subjek sains..4 kali praktikum mmg ini yang aku ajar pun..


sekarang kena ajar BM gan Math..banyak kena belajar balik..aku tak tahu content dia..tema ada berapa..kemahiran apa..so memang agak mencabar..subjek prediket..bla bla bla..math tu aku okay je kena ajar.. tapi buat seram sbb kena ajar Year 6..


blm lagi tugas2 luar dan yang bakal menyusul nanti..sudahlah aku satu2nya guru bujang di situ..hey takde geng ooo..terpaksa mcm matang..huhuhu..lain hidup belajar gan bekerja ni..mcm ko kena pandai2 switch hidup..ulang alik cincai 45 minit..balik makan solat terus tumbang..ahahah...penat kot..huhuhu..tapi the journey baru nak start kena kuat..


nak mengadu gan kawan2..diaorg pun tension..kdg2 diaorg pun cari aku cerita mcm2..ada yang terus kena jadi ketua panitia..nah kau..hmm mcm2..train budak golf gan squash lah..bla2..kecian juga aku dgr..nak cite kat mak ayah karang diaorg lak risau..jadi ceritalah di sini..di blog tercinta..


kepada diri dan kawan2 bertabahlah..k kena tido esok nak g sekolah lak..May Allah bless all of us..amin 

aLaMaK!

alahai emak kahwinkan aku..hahaha..cun punya lagu aku layan time blogging..hehehe..ok di saat aku amik keputusan quit..the end..full stop and etc..aku terjumpa benda ni..

Anonymous said...

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February 1, 2011 7:55 AM

ni yang jadi semangat balik nih..tp persaan insecure tu ttp juga wujud..bah nanti la pk..mengantuk suda ni..dah la sekarang aku allergic makan..ley makan ikan je..adeh...makin kurang la zat badan aku ni..nsb baik esk cuti..lau tak kena bgn kul 6.00 am sbb 6.30 am dah nak kena drive..gelap mc dunia..well sgt lah berbeza 6.30 am di sabah gan sini..pg2 jalan tak bz..so ley santai2 drive n tak de la ak nak stuck dalam traffic..tuk keselamatan..karang terlambat smpi sekolah mati aku..huhuhu

kasih ayah sampai ke syurga..sayang ayah saya..kalau saya ada husband nanti boleh ke husband saya jaga saya macam ayah jaga saya..mesti tak kan..ayah saya tetap terbaik sampai bila2..harap dapat pasangan hidup yang bertanggung jawab mcm ayah..yang tahu tanggung jawab pada agama, keluarga dan masyarakat =)

you died

=)

p/s - menyampah gila bila ternampak..bagus remove je kan tak pun block terus..biar seumur hidup aku tak ternampak lagi..annoying gila siot..bajet bagus tapi perangai cam haareem..huhuhu

Frankly I nEver think anyOne could loVe me mOre than I love tHem.

move to another blog?? haa..banyak yang nak diceritakan..tapi tak mampu nak dicerita..bru selesai membersihkan handphone dan laptop daripada anasir2 luar..delete messages, pics, mms, songs,files,videos yang tak harus semak di handphone dan laptop ku..huhuhu..terima kasih kerana da kemudahan mark all and delete..kalo tak jenuh nak delete messages.. hanya tinggal beberapa mesej sahaja daripada insan2 yang terpilih n membina disimpan.. =) da satu mesej tu daripada my friend yang bertarikh 30 Jan 2010..very warm and touching..so meaningful..thanx fren..i love it..thats why i still kept it in my inbox.. =) 


nak delete bnda2 yang kita tak suka kat blog tak sesenang di handphone dan laptop..nak delete blog ni cm sayang..sbb byk catatan hidup di sini..aku tak penah delete entry aku kat sini..walaupun bila ak bce balik entry tu..ak rasa annoying sangat..menyampah pun ada..hahahha


tp mcm agak bsn sudah kondisi dan penulisan aku di sini..aku rasa tak bebas..insecure tuk menulis di sini..kenapa? ntah aku pun tak tahu..nak tempek gambar aktiviti aku di sini pun aku rasa tak selesa..tak seselesa dulu..rasa canggung dan ralat nak buat mcm tu..


jadi aku rasa bagus aku create or cari space yang di mana aku rasa selesa untuk menulis..rasa bebas dan selamat..lagi pun aku dah masuk new chapter life..byk yang berubah masuk 2011 ni..byk sgt..mcm tiap2 hari aku mahu mencatat perubahan itu..tapi as i wrote before..i'm felt like insecure to write something here..i dont know why but thats what i'm feel now..


mungkin sekali sekala akan singgah di sini kalo rasa insecure tu hilang..kesian blog ni..i'll miss you blog..


p/s - kalau awak tak sudi saya lagi tak hingin..wakaka =D

ThAnk GOd for mAde us toGether afTer we wEre apArt..

Looking down the road you should be taking..7 February 2011..


hmm satu lagi tarikh yang ku kira perlu aku ingat dalam sejarah hidup aku..satu tarikh yang dapat membantu aku memadam semua tarikh2 dahulu, di mana tarikh2 tersebut tidak lagi penting dan tidak lagi perlu diingati..tapi ini tarikh keramat..tarikh paling penting..nilai sebuah usaha..titik peluh..kasih sayang dan pengorbanan..


p/s - and i know i never regret to let it go because today i got something much better than before =)

KeKuaTaN kItA tErLeTaK pAdA hAtI kiTa..

lecturer aku yang cakap kat aku hari tu..dan malam ni aku teringat pulak kata2 tu..


1. Where is your cell phone?
on my bed..

2.Your hair?

black colour..

3.Mother?

is great chef =)

4.Your Father?
is very protective and caring..

5.Your favourite food?

i don't know what my favourite food but maybe KEBAB..huhuhu

6.Your dream last night?

i'm trying to recall but i'm failed..huhu

7.Your favourite drink?

green tea always the smarter choice..hahaha

8.Your dream/goal?

can continue my study at least Master level..huhuhu

9.What room are you in?
my bedroom..

10.Your hobby?
since i'm at home now and not start working yet..so all i can say is online..but sometime reading =)

11.Your fear?

i'm lost what i have now..

12.Where do you want to be in 6 years?

my own house.. =)

13.Where were you last night?

of course in my room and on may bed..

14.Something you aren't?

a morning person..i hate wake up early in the morning and take a bath..hahah..

15.Muffins?

i don't like muffins but i can eat this food..no discrimination..huhu..

17.Where did you grow up?

Kemaman, Dungun, Kemaman, Dungun, Jasin, Kuala Lumpur, Tawau, Kuala Terengganu (sooner or later..hahah)

18.Last thing you did?

baking cake at baking life..FB game =D

19.What are you wearing?

pink socks, blue t-shirt..flowered trousers and yellow sweater..

20.Your TV?

i don't have TV in my bedroom..huhu..and i'm never buy it..but i'll buy it one day..

21.Your pets?

i don't have pets now..but i wish i'll have a rabbit or giraffe(impossible)as my pet one day..

22.Your friends?

are awesome and can't be replaced..

23.Your life?

up side down..haha..i mean sometime i'm on the top but sometime not..but i'm still okay n satisfied with this journey.. =)

24.Your mood?

like a blender machine..which used to mix all things together..so i don't know how to describe my mood now..huhu

25.Missing someone?

hard to answer this question..since i don't know my feeling now..so i just refuse to answer this question..

26.Vehicle?

Myvi limited edition Dazzling Red..sooner or later time will tell..hahaha

27.Something your not wearing?

bikini..hahahaa

28.Your favourite store?

i don't have favourite store..

29.Your favourite colour?

blue but i rarely choose blue when i buy things..but i just love it..

30.When was the last time you laughed?

just now with my  little bro..

31.Last time you cried?

i can't remember..

32.Your best friend?
is someone who never left me in whatever situation..

33.One place I go over and over?

School..since i'm 6 years old until now..hahaha..i'm a teacher ok..enough said =D

34.One person who emails you regularly?

no one..no one..no one..oooo..hahah

35.Favourite Place to eat?

Home..best..delicious and of course its free..hahah..

AkHiRnYa PeRgI JUa

You Never Walk Alone

aku terbaca pasal perpindahan mamat ni pergi Chelsea..

pergh boleh dikatakan sebagai "pembelian gila" kot

50 juta pound = 245 juta

pergh kalaulah aku dapat duit banyak ni, aku rasa tak yah da aku duk sibuk pk pasal posting aku tuh..huhuhu..nti hari ahad chelsea lawan the reds..mcm berminat ni nak tgk sebab nak tgk reaksi penyokong Liverpool dan aksi Torres dengan bekas penyokong dia ni..mesti penuh dengan drama sebagaimana perpindahan beliaukan..hehe..tp dalam masa yang sama Liverpool pun beli pemain lain gak Carroll gan Suarez..gara2 bsn aku kat rumah rajin lak ak layan bola kadang2..huuhuhu..owh tak ley2..ahad ni aku kena ready tuk isnin..

SELAMAT PAGI CIKGU!

p/s - tak suka bila pergi jalan2 terjumpa lelaki pakai jersi Liverpool dan Spain..hmm..sbb aku penah beli jersi tu..jadi kenapalah..hohoho

awEsoMe =)

ameen

Allah is great 

you already did it

=)

tALk i"LL liStEn..

this one is real...i copy this from my junior blog zati@teja..

its NOT LOVE

When you keep coming back to the same person only to be hurt by the same mistake you forgave
When you are the only one giving and him taking everything that you gave in

When he keeps on hitting you with the so-called ‘jealousy’ of his and apologizes every time he does that
When all you think is how handsome he is in the things he wears, have or earns
When he says he only loves you but at the same time loves her too thinking that you can just ‘share’
When you keep coming up with reasons to cover whatever he have done to you.

And yet they say 


‘Love is Blind’ when its actually the ‘people’ who’s blind enough(pretends to be blind) to see something as simple as that..Its not love..Because if it was then you don’t need reason for all this sh**ts..Save your love..You deserve someone better.. Because only after we met the wrong ones, we will find the right one..Learn not to make the same mistake..Because I wont say this again..Enough said..

got it from my friend's tumblr

=)

p/s - If your love can survive separation, you know it's for real..

SePi..

penah tengok filem ni tak..uishh..sedih cite dia..aku nangis kot tgk..mcm sblm ni tak penah ngis je..ngis juga pn..hehehehe..tp time filem ni ngs baik punya..huhuhuhu..sebab sepi aku nak buat diri aku hepi..aku nak jawab benda alah ni la..hehehe

What is on your bed right now?
Handphones, charger, teddy, besides pillows and blanket..

When was the last time you threw up?
last month..January

What’s your favorite word or phrase?
ya kali..(sabahan influence)

Name 3 people who made you smile today?
Hakimi, Nadiah, Hakim

What were you doing at 8 am this morning?
war with my pillows and blanket..

What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
chatting with my friend

What is your favorite holiday?
Pulau Mabul =)

Have you ever been to another country?
Yes, Brunei..hahahaha

What is the last thing you said aloud?
kimi kejaplah!

What is the best ice cream flavor?
Walls Solero Split ice cream..waahhhhh

What was the last thing you had to drink?
plain water

What are you wearing right now?
black cardigan, blue jeans, purple baby-t

What was the last thing you ate?
mee hun soup

Have you bought any new clothing items this week?
nope..

When was the last time you ran?
hmm..nice question..yesterday..ran upstairs..hehehe

What’s the last sporting event you watched?
Football..

If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?
Makkah but must prepare first before go there..

Who is the last person you sent a comment/message on myspace?
don’t have one..

Ever go camping?
Yup..

Do you have a tan?
No

Have you ever lost anything down a toilet?
Brooch..

What is your guilty pleasure?
secret..huhuhu

Do you use smiley faces on the computer alot?
sometimes. =P

Do you drink your soda from a straw?
yes..

What did your last text message say?

Ahh..hrp2 semuanya ok, yana pun mudah2an dpt tmpt baik, nnti bgtau aunty ye..take care, love u..

Are you someone’s best friend?
ohh yeahh.

What are you doing tomorrow?
Just stay at home or maybe attend wedding invitation..

Where is your mom right now?
in her bedroom..sleep lorh..late night already..

Look to your left, what do you see?
my blue towel and telekung..

What color is your watch?
Silver

What do you think of when you think of Australia?

Koala Bear..CUTE!!!!!

Ever ridden on a roller coaster?
nope..i'm afraid of it..huhuhu..maybe one day with my future husband =p

What is your birthstone?
God knows

Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive thru?
Go in a fast food..

Do you have a dog?
of course nope..but puppy so cute heh..huhuhu

Last person you talked to on the phone?

i don't know whom..wrong number..but that person said my name twice..erk

Are you happy?
bitter sweet..hahaha..i wish i'm happy all the time..LOL

Where are you right now?

home..in my bedroom..

Biggest annoyance in your life right now?
My memories..go away please..heh

Last movie you saw?
Kuch Kuch Hotai =p

Are you allergic to anything?
detergent..my hand getting worst day by day..huhu

Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time?
none

Are you jealous of anyone?
I think so..hehehe..but no hard feeling

Are you married?
NO..

Is anyone jealous of you?
I don't know..

Do any of your friends have children?
Yes..i'm aunty yana already..hehehe

Do you eat healthy?
sometimes yes sometimes nope..

What do you usually do during the day?
eat..sleep..facebook..blog walking..

Do you hate anyone right now?
hmm..maybe yes..but hate is too strong a word..so nope maybe..

Do you use the word ‘hello’ daily?
yes..

How many kids do you want when you’re older?
i wish to have between 3-5 kids =)

How old will you be turning on your next birthday?
24..urgh..old already ooo..but still cengeng lorh..

How did you get one of your scars?
exhaust of a motorcycle..

p/s - Please accept yourself more..Please love yourself..Please make the right choices..Please know what is good for you and please..please know that you are not alone k?..hmm ok =)

~ I hate to act strong when all i want to do is break down and cry ~

"Apabila engkau telah mengecapi manisnya dekat dengan-Nya, pasti kamu akan mengetahui betapa pahitnya putus hubungan dengan-Nya" [imam al-Nawawi]

hmmmmm..

dI aTaS NoRmAL..

dah hampir2 nak masuk sebulan perkara ni terjadi..tetapi kenapa masih mempunyai rasa yang sama? bukankah sudah berbincang..dan itu yang terbaik..hmm..layan dulu lagu ni..

Pikiranku 

Tak dapat kumengerti 

Kaki dikepala 

Kepala dikaki 

Pikiranku 

Patutnya menyadari 

Siapa yang harus 

Dan tak harus kucari 

Tetapi tak dapat ku mengerti 

Sesuatu 

Yang baru kusadari 

Kau tinggalkanku 

Tanpa sebab yang pasti 

Sesuatu yang harusnya terjadi 

Kau sakiti aku 

Kau yang harus ku benci 

Tetapi tak dapat ku mengerti 

Tetapi tak dapat ku mengerti 

Ku mencari sesuatu yang telah pergi 

Ku mencari hati yang kubenci 

Ku mencari sesuatu yang tak kembali 

Ku mencari hati yang kubenci 

Ku mencari 

Tetap tak dapat kutemui 

ku mencari hati yang kubenci

p/s - tak normalkah aku???

RInDu BearTanDanG laGI..

wah lagu Rahim Maarof menemani ku di kala tangan ligat menulis pena..ok saya tau ni tipu saya sedang depan screen..hari ni penat fizikal n hati..mental ok masih..Alhamdulillah..

1. aku tido semalam 6.15 am mungkin..ntah aku tak tau bila aku tertido
2. aku bgn jam 9.30 am sbb adik aku nak berak..aku kena basuh..dia tak pergi sekolah sebab mata bengkak kena gigit serangga..dei..
3. ayah call jam 10.30 pagi cakapnya aku mungkin mengajar di kemaman tapi luar bandar..Chenih..Felda Neram..Cherol..aku pun jarang2 pergi sana..unless ayah aku da kerja yang berkaitan FAMA..kdg2 dia bawa juga pg jumpa pakcik kebun..
4. aku mandi jam 1.30 bila masuk waktu zohor..ok ni memang buruk perangai..tapi sekarang musim winter..consider la ckit..sejuk ba..
5. ayah ajak aku keluar sebab nak pergi tengok kereta..katanya kalau pakai loan bank islam tak yah deposit..atau aku nak dia dahulukan deposit, aku byr bulan2 je..aku cakap..kereta yana biarlah yana bayar..aku setujua pakai loan bank islam je..
6. aku cari t-shirt hitam aku yang aku baru beli sebulan lalu..puas aku cari..tak jumpa..tapi t-shirt hitam orang lain plak yang aku jumpa..tears..rindu.. (!_!)..tp aku pakai juga..hati lembik..
7. pergi kat pengedar perodua aku tak tau nak amik viva elite or myvi limited edition..tp aku tak kan amik Alza..bukan nak buat part time angkut budak2 sekolah pun kan..buat pa nak amik MPV..masih berfikir..
8. aku pergi settlekan Maybank2u.com aku yang da prob since 1@2 years ago..bagusnya aku ni kan..selama ni mintak tolong orang je yang belikan tiket..time kasih kena sudi tolong..smpi da gdh2 ckit..huhuhu
9. simpati gan jiran lama aku yang risau tentang anaknya yang sekarang study kat Mesir sebab keadaan makin hura-hura..terputus hubungan lagi gan banyak penjara telas dipecahkan so ramai la penjenayah berkeliaran..May Allah bless her..
10. calling with someone that have strong heart since semalam beliau dah janji nak call..hey..i'm happy..shared many things with that person..semakin hari semakin sayang..hati jadi kuat balik..sumber inspirasi.. =)
11. solat n persiapan diri..tgk berita..hmm makan mee sup mak buat..plus nasi minyak yang tak habis aku makan petang tadi dan paw pulut kelapa ayah ckit..heh..Alhamdulillah malam tadi aku da selera..
12. timbang berat..hmm gembira berat aku 47kg..dah naik 1kg =)..aku da masa 6 hari lagi utk gain weight before start kerja
13. berdondang sayang atas katil sambil surf internet pasal kereta idaman..aku kan indecisive type person..but lastly aku buat keputusan aku amik MYVI limited edition colour dazzling red..ok girlish skit..hahah..sejak bila aku pandai concern tentang girlish2 ni..annoying yana..hahah..hmm cpt lak aku wat kptsn kali ni..
14. berkongsi kisah kasih n cinta dengan mak..mak ok je..tak marah n tak negetif pun..aku je yang takut lebih nak cerita..mak pesan lagi jangan putuskan hubungan silatulrahim..tak baik mak cakap..berkawan sajelah walaupun mungkin tak sehaluan..ok mak..
15. bukak internet..eh bukak laptop la..dan macam tajuk entry ni rindu bertandang lagi maka tercetus la entry ini..hmm
16. ok masih dalam dilema..nak pergi atau tidak esok ni..hmmm
17. aku perlu sedar aku perlu tidur sebab semalam aku tidur 3 jam je..good night =)

p/s - aku sekarang macam tak pandai buat keputusan..semua benda aku mitak org decidekan..makin tua..makin tak da pendirian lak aku ni..atau faktor emosi yang tak stabil n hati yang lemau sekarang ni..hmm